Conflicted

Today I made a difficult decision. It was an obvious one which arose from a conflict raging since last Wednesday. I decided to inform the recruitment company I would not be attending their assessment tomorrow.

I knew all along the role would basically be a sales one, calling prospective candidates, "selling" them a job, even making a commission from doing so. But what dawned on me whilst lying awake last night was this: I could not go from Recruitment to Marketing without starting back at the beginning and in all likelihood several years down the line I would not want to do that. Ultimately if I went for and got a job in recruitment that would be my career and another dream down the pan.

Back when I was younger I wanted to be an actor. I come alive on stage and feel a real passion for peformance. As I grew older I realised that you either make it or you don't as an actor and as a career plan it was not all that realistic. Despite this, when I applied to University I applied for a mixture of drama and history, refusing to let the dream die. This was flawed, I know that now. I would have been better served to have applied just for History, but I got lucky and Uni of Southampton took me on. I got involved with the Theatre Group but studies came first and thus that dream petered away.

After History, which is not itself a career path. Marketing became my aim. I really enjoyed marketing, I found it a challenging, interesting and ultimately attractive area of business to go into. It became the new dream and one I am not ready to give up just yet.

I think what it comes down to is I want to have a career in Marketing. I am happy to do something else at first if it enhances my chances of eventually getting a job in marketing, almost regardless of what it involves me doing.

Yet despite all this I am conflicted, I filled out the pre assessment day forms and if they had paid travel expenses I might even of gone just to see. I think though, this time I have made the right call and will have to hope that I won't regret the decision